Part 9: For Women:  Relationship Clues in the Salsa Connection
by Sam Gill

Women, presumably you have read what I wrote for the guys and you should expect from your partners the things I have indicated.  If you don’t get it, then don’t repeatedly put yourself in the situation.  Don’t dance with guys who are rude, who don’t pay attention to you, or who put you at risk. 

I teach dance to many couples who are preparing for their first dance together as a married couple at their wedding reception.  I enjoy doing this and I can usually tell within a few minutes what I think are the chances for these couples to make it.  I keep my views to myself, of course.  Dancing often edges people outside their comfort zones.  Guys often feel loads of pressure just attempting to dance.  They have to initiate lots of the action including asking women to dance (although I’m certainly of the school that holds it is fine for women to ask men to dance), they have to lead, they have to feel responsible for their partner’s experience, and to do so while often feeling like they can’t remember a thing they have learned or how to do the few things they happily remember.  Feeling the pressure, guys may overreact by clutching your hand too tightly, by failing to ever make eye contact, by apologizing constantly, and by crunching their bodies into a little humped-over balls.  None of these things is necessarily pleasant, but it doesn’t mean they are bad guys.  Talk politely to them and complement them when you can.  Don’t instruct them or belittle them because we have all been there at one time or another.  If you really don’t enjoy dancing with them and don’t care to when they ask, refuse politely.  You may say simply, “No thank you.”

However women, don’t take rude and inappropriate touching and other behavior from any guy.  Tell him straight out that it isn’t okay with you and do not dance with him again.  He will stop the inappropriate behavior only when he can’t get anyone to dance with him. 

Women, if you are looking for a relationship, dancing may give you great clues about a guy.  How physically comfortable is he and how does this correspond with your own physical comfort levels?  How interested is your dance partner in making a salsa connection with you?  My guess is that if he doesn’t connect with you in ways you can experience on the dance floor, he’ll likely not be able to off the floor.  If he blames you for his dance mistakes … you’ve learned something important about him.  If he shows off his dance moves and pays no attention to you … you’ve learned something important.  If he assumes you know nothing and proceeds to constantly instruct you … you’ve learned …  You get the point.  A social dance relationship reveals loads about a person and how they will approach other social and personal relationships.  This is why I think dancing is actually a pretty great place to meet and get to know people.

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