Part 8:  Listen Up Men: Relationship via the Salsa Connection
by Sam Gill

I believe that couples cannot dance in that amazing connected flowing smooth feeling sense without the salsa connection.   It is never just the moves that create this experience, it is the connection.  And, when you think about this, no great relationship can occur without something like this connection.

All social dances are associated with relationship since they all require two people.  People in established relationships go out dancing for many reasons, but certainly it is a great way to enjoy and celebrate one’s partner relationship. 

The salsa dance venues around here seem to host a pretty active singles scene.  Lots of singles go out dancing to meet other singles and, presumably, prospective partners.  Many people take salsa dance lessons to prepare themselves for this scene, hopeful of the outcome.  There are positive and negative aspects to salsa dancing being the means towards relationship ends.  At the risk of sounding a bit like an advice column, which is exactly what I am doing, I want to talk to the men.

Guys, I know that for many of you even to attempt to dance is putting yourself way outside your comfort zone.  You are to be congratulated on having the courage to try dancing.  You deserve to have good results by having fun and connecting with your dance partners as fully as possible no matter what happens off the dance floor.  Just be careful not to be discouraged by the pressure of being in this situation. 

Here’s a little secret.  I’ve talked with dozens of women about who they like to dance with and what sort of dancing they most enjoy.  Every single one of them says something like:  “Oh I like to dance with So-in-So so much.  He really only knows about 4 moves, but he is so nice, he pays attention to me, he is gentle, and he has so much fun.”  I’ve never had a woman tell me “I love to dance with that Other-So-in-So because he whips me around and drags me through his moves; besides he barely pays attention to me.”  Another secret:  in many Latin American cultures most social dancers do little more than the basic moves, but wow is it beautiful and sensuous.  They dance a little, then sit down and drink and chat with their friends, then dance a little more. 

The lessons, guys, here are pretty simple and actually almost obvious.  Be a gentleman.  Be courteous to the women you ask to dance.  Dance to their skill level (and your own) and save showing off the moves you have yet to master for your closet door mirror or a class setting.  Don’t lead a move you aren’t pretty sure you can lead successfully with the lady you are dancing with.  Never ever criticize your partner.  Always smile at her.  Never ever instruct your partner on the dance floor.  Never ever give your partner that knowing look that she just screwed up royally and yet you are kindly not going to call her on it.  Never ever prepare a lead with that look that tells her that you are about to do something really cool and she better be ready to make it happen so you’ll look as cool as surely she thinks you are. 

And do your best to create a salsa connection with your partner.  You may think that since this is both of you being equally active in the formation of the salsa connection, you can’t achieve it unless you are dancing with someone who knows about it.  This isn’t true.  If you dance with as much attentiveness as possible to your partner, she will have the greatest opportunity to connect with you.  Give her every chance and you’ll be happily surprised far more often than you will be disappointed.  Besides, if you do your best to connect with your partner and she doesn’t even notice or attempt to reciprocate, than you’ve likely learned something pretty important about her.   

Here are more things you can do.  Be confident.  If you are just learning to dance, this is sometimes difficult.  However, women do not want to hear you constantly apologize for how terrible you are.  You are at the level you are and just do the best you can and you’ll be fine. Confidence is shown not by the moves you attempt, but by your posture and attitude.  Keep your shoulders back and down, head up, and make appropriate eye contact, light hand connection, care to protect your partner from crunching into others, escort her to and from the dance floor and thank her for dancing with you, and show how much fun you are having.  If you can pull off even a few of these things you’ll be showing that you are interested in connection and women will enjoy dancing with you.

Take the Salsa Challenge. Experience the Salsa Connection!